Alex (morbid_me) wrote,

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I tripped fell down aching

I am really going to miss everyone.. very very bad... It hurts. A lot. And it hurts b/c I know that I'll end up drifting away from some of these people that I dont want to drift away from. People I've told in the past that I'll keep in touch with, and then barely talk to now.. Though.. they were busy as well. I sort of lost touch with Lisa.. but.. she changed.. a lot. I feel bad, b/c she's always the one contacting me.. And then there's Steven.. who I will at least be able to hang out with tomorrow after my hair cut.. but he's been busy as well.. with band rehersals and school and work..

There are just so many people that I dont want to lose touch with.. and I am so bad at actually calling people up and making plans.. I think I'm slowly getting better at it.. but.. still.

I'm not ready to leave everyone yet.. or for everyone to leave me. Scratch that, I am ready.. I just dont want to.

I have 9 days left. How am I going to make this work in the last 9 days? I want to hang out with so many different people. I have YET to hang out with Mike this summer.. except for when me, him and Lindsey went to Chilli's that one day. I have plans to hang out with Lisa before I go.. plans to hang out with Sam and James, want to make plans to hang out with Brandon and Jess..

Stanley e-mailed me tonight.. it caught me by total surprise! I was so excited to read that it was from him! I even started to cry a bit b/c I was already thinking about all of my friends I'm going to be leaving soon.. and then another one of my friends found my e-mail by complete accident and then e-mail me telling me that he wants to talk to me before I leave.. I am definately going to miss Stanley a lot.. a lot a lot.. He's my buddy.. he makes me smile and says/does goofy things that most freshman would (and sometimes wouldn't) do lol. I just love my Stanley.. Being in the ROTC at UNT is going to be different without him..

I've been having a lot of crying fits lately... but.. I dont know if it's a side effect of the accutane or if it's because I'm leaving my friends and this is just a touchy subject/time period for me. I dont cry in front of anyone when it happens.. so .. I dont know. But it says that if I experience any of the side effects that I should inform my doctor. But, I dunno if I should do that now what with everything that's going on. And it's not like I'm going through the whole "suicidal side effect" so that's good. In fact, I havent really had any of the side effects... except the dryness of lips. But other then that, I feel great! Except when I think about leaving.

*sighs* God, I don't want to leave yet. Maybe I'll be ready by the time the time comes for me to go? I dont know. I dont want to leave my nice little comfort zone I have going on here. I dont want to leave my circle of friends (err.. not really circle of friends since I have friends from different groups of people) I dont want to leave my family, and food... lol. I dont want to leave my "I'm-acting-like-a-bad-ass" sister (she's going through a phase, I can still get her to break that exterior and laugh ^_^) or my Dog, Buddy.. lol.

I dont want to leave Mac, or Kristi...

I dont want to leave Lucas.. We're trying to see each other as much as possible before we leave.. but, we both know that it's going to be difficult, what with him being at work, and the two of us also wanting to see our friends.. It's just.. going to be hard.

Everything is going to be hard.

I need to stop writing about this so I can get some sleep.. I love you guys..

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